One Of These Days I'm Going To Miss These Days

As I've been noticing some patterns surfacing in our household revolving around two three year olds, I've been reminding myself how short these times really are. Or maybe in some cases I'm hoping. But I know, all in all, I will look back on these days with a huge chunk of nostalgia.

One day I might even miss:

the back of my seat being constantly kicked every time I'm driving.

reluctantly switching the Today show to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Curious George.

having to change my clothes at approximately 8:12 every night because of a more rambunctious than necessary bathtime.

formulating answers to arbitrary "why" questions like "why is that guy wearing a hat?" or "why is it 3:30?"

taking small people back to bed in the middle of the night. every. single. night.*

getting woken up because someone is all of the sudden extremely displeased with their earlier choice of jammies, leading to a ridiculous middle of the night wardrobe change.

refereeing. enough said.

running over something or someone every time I turn around.

worrying about how much chap stick someone can eat before they need medical attention.

hearing myself say, "Be a good listener!" in my best subtle reminder way thousands of times in one day.

getting inefficient help every time I clean.


Honestly, I secretly kind of love all of these things. (OK, that's a stretch on the waking up in the night). But I know these things are a small price to pay for all of the snuggles, "I love yous," and indescribable joy of watching kids grow up. Not to mention the feeling of seeing your kids "get it." And I know I'll miss those days more than anything.

So for all the parents out there, or anyone who is noticing the small annoying things in their routines, take comfort in knowing that there is a bigger picture that makes those things worth it. And everything is just a season. For better or worse.

*Oh, and if anyone has any ideas on how to get your child to stop habitually waking up in the night, I'm all ears.

Kid Quiz Answers

Sorry to keep you waiting so long for the answers to the quiz. I know you've been on the edge of your seats all week.

Without further ado...

This one (Worksheet A) was Harper's. I'm sure as she worked on it she was thinking: I am going to focus so hard and make sure everything turns out perfectly. I want to do exactly what is asked and follow-through flawlessly. I will even mark inside the lines on the sun, the umbrella, and the guy's arms. And just to go above and beyond, I'll top it off with a full-fledged "H" right here on the side. Just to show 'em what I've got.

And so Worksheet B was Hudson's. I'm assuming he was falling into his typical charming line of thinking: Who cares about straight lines? It's too much work to go exactly on the dots. Really, it's fine if I just get it somewhere near the line. It's not a big deal. I would look much cooler doing this if I were dressed as a firefighter. Or a cowboy. Or a football player. Or a construction worker...

Oh, how they need each other! 

And Hudson, if you're reading this as an offended 16 year-old, hear me say this: I know you're brilliant. Sure you don't like to sit still for too long and focus on one particular thing, but that makes you a real three-year-old boy. I love it. And in a family of all detail-oriented people, we need you to be the one who reminds us to loosen up and think outside the box every now and then. 

Kid Quiz

My last couple of posts have been pretty heavy and somewhat depressing and since that's not at all the theme of our life, I thought I'd pep this thing up a little bit.

H&H are two weeks into school and the preschool workload is in full force around here.

I love opening their "take home folders" to see what little nuggets of hard work present themselves. Since they are in the same class and doing the same projects, its especially fun to see where their individual strengths and interests lie (lye...lay...I'm not sure.)

On Thursday they each brought home a paper that I thought especially demonstrated their personalities. I decided it would be fun to present them here and see if you can guess which kid did which paper as a way to let my readers get to know them a little bit better.

The exercise in the worksheet was to trace the straight dotted lines as pre-writing practice.

So I present to you Worksheet A....

and Worksheet B.

Leave your guesses in the comments and I'll reveal the answers in my next post!

What A Difference A Year Doesn't Make. And Does Make.

I think this was the day Scott was ready to have another baby...

OK, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But he started saying, "Let's have another one!" really early on.

However, I spent many of my days dealing with things like this...

and later this...

and thus, didn't feel ready to add another one into the mix for awhile. But as H&H approached two years old, things started getting pretty easy and I began to dream about what another one might be like.

If we had another boy would he look like Hudson? Or a girl be like Harper? Or completely different? Gosh, it would be such a breeze (heavy dreaming here) to take care of only ONE baby.

Scott and I have always said we wanted a big family. I know its a lot of work, especially when they're young. But we've just always thought that the returns far outweigh the costs. (My CPA husband is so proud of me right now for my financial analogy.)

Both of my parents are from bigger families. My dad is one of six kids and my mom one of four. This means that my sister and I grew up with A LOT of cousins and family around. And we love it. I love that feeling when you walk into a house that's filled with people you've known your whole life. So many stories. So many memories. The familiar laughs. The known hurts. 

When we did our IVF in 2007 and got pregnant with H&H, we actually had a total of seven embryos. (Out of the monstrous 52 eggs, we only exposed 20 to sperm. Thirteen of those eggs fertilized, and then seven continued growing to reach the blastocyst stage five days later.) Our first round, we just had the two of them implanted, so the other five remained cryopreserved. The plan being, when we were ready for another baby, we would go back and do the second part of IVF only: the embryo transfer.  (You might be weirded out by all this, but as I said here, it's become our normal. So just go with it.)

So once H&H turned two in May 2010, we were excited to be embarking on the whole journey again. Of course, you can't just walk in and have an embryo implanted into your uterus. Because even that would be too easy, right? There was an initial month of birth control to regulate everything. Then I had to repeat some tests and bloodwork to make sure nothing had changed in my uterus and I was still healthy. We did all that last summer and got the green light to proceed. 

In August 2010, I started the hormone cycle. For those really interested: the doctors want to make sure you don't ovulate and that your uterine lining is doing exactly what it should be doing when it should be doing it, so they take control of your hormone production through pills and shots. I took the meds for my cycle in August and we waltzed back in on September 9th, 2010 and had our third beautiful embryo implanted. (Just one this time!)  

On September 16th, 2010 I jumped the gun and took a home pregnancy test before my scheduled bloodtest. I could already tell what came to be true on the little stick. I was pregnant! (You have to wait several  LOOONG days for your body to adjust before a pregnancy test will be accurate.)

It had worked! We were obviously so excited. But it was short-lived. I found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks 5 days along, and almost two weeks later at just 5 weeks 3 days, I had a miscarriage with that baby. 

It was really hard. I could write a novel on the disappointment, questions, confusion, and hurt. Lucky for you, I won't do that here. I'll just say that anytime a tragedy happens you always want to know why and be able to have something to point to and say, "That's what happened." Most of the time, in the toughest of life's circumstances, there's nothing to point to.

We knew that God was completely in control, and after several months of healing decided that we still had four embryos God had created awaiting us. So we picked ourselves up and started over. On January 28th, 2011 again we waltzed, somewhat less-gracefully this time, back in to have another embryo implanted. 

When we arrived we got the sad news from our embryologist that the first embryo they selected (our 4th embryo) didn't survive the thawing process. (I'll probably write a complete post soon on frozen embryos alone for all the fertility junkies out there. Because there's a lot more to say.) That was sad to hear, but the next embryo (#5) did survive and was successfully implanted. 

We impatiently waited the required waiting time and then on February 5th I got the news I had suspected: I wasn't pregnant this time. Another loss.

We were able to go ahead with that next cycle and try again. More estrogen pills. More progesterone dissolved in olive oil injected in my butt. And on February 28th, 2011 we drug ourselves this time back to the good ol' St. David's Fertility Surgery Center, greeted our nurses like old friends, and geared up for my fourth embryo transfer surgery. 

Again, sad news: the first embryo they had tried (#6) didn't survive the thaw either. We were down to our last one. Our very last embryo (#7) had done great and was ready to be implanted. Everything went fine and I found out I was pregnant on March 9th, 2011.

If you read this post than you know how it turned out. 

So it's weird to think back on where we were this time last year. Parents of two great kids with five embryos waiting in the wings. Now a year later, we look the same on the outside. A year hasn't made any difference in our family structure. Still parents of those two great kids. But we've been through the ringer this past year and look and feel completely different on the inside as a result. Not necessarily worse off, just in such a different place. 

It's only been a year but I feel like we're light years away from where we were. Different mentally as we think about our family's future. Different spiritually as the healing process has dominated our relationship with the Lord.  Different emotionally as we now mourn the loss of our babies and the lost hope of our embryos. But also different because everything we thought we had figured out got shaken up. And now we stand facing the future with no clue what God has in store for us. And that's kind of scary. But one of my favorite people once told me, "Even when it seems scary, there's no safer place to be than in the middle of God's will." 

So that's where we are this year. Praying that the God who has carried us through the toughest year of our lives will continue to show us His will and purpose for our family.