Saturday, April 30, 2011

Back to the beginning!

April 30th, 2005=our wedding day. Such a glorious day! We are in full anniversary celebration mode around here. We had the annual viewing of our wedding video last night. And this was the first year where we both made the comment, "We look so young." I think that means we are officially old. Scott brought home a dozen roses from work yesterday. And the kids helped him make chocolate covered strawberries and grapes. We dusted off the old wedding album this morning. And the kids and I took my wedding rings in for the annual cleaning and polishing so they're all shiny and sparkly, ready for another year! Today we're taking the kids to our wedding site so they can see where we got married. We haven't been back in six years, so I'm excited to see it! And then we have a hot date, hooray!

In honor of our anniversary, I thought it would be fun to take a little trip down memory lane and celebrate how God brought Scott and I together.

Mine and Scott's paths crossed for the first time on May 19th, 2002 (which happens to be my parents' 28th wedding anniversary. Awww.)

It was arrival day for all the new summer staff at Camp Balcones Springs in Marble Falls, TX.  My sister, Whitney was on the full-time staff at camp that year and I was joining her at camp for the summer as a counselor. I arrived a day early from a wedding, so I was given a job to help check-in the new staff and make sure they had turned in all their forms, given camp a copy of their driver's license, etc.

I saw this tall, super cute boy standing in my line waiting to get checked in. He had the cutest smile and bluest eyes. My secret hope was that he wouldn't have any of his stuff turned in and I would have to spend extra time with him getting him all set-up. But being the Scott Ela that he is, of course he had already crossed all his "T"s and dotted all his "I"s. So our conversation was limited to the standard "Hi. Where do you go to school?" type of greeting and then the line moved along.

At dinner that night Scott was conveniently standing next to me in the line for food. The jury is still out on how that happened as mine and Scott's remembering of the situation differ. Regardless, we took advantage of the opportunity to talk more. It turned out we would both be lifeguards that summer, so starting the next day we would be in lifeguard training/certification together for the week. And then the next week we would be in Counselor Orientation. After these two weeks, the first round of campers would come. In our initial conversation, Scott and I discovered that he would only be working the first half of the summer and I would only be working the second half. I have to admit, I was a little bummed that I would only see him for two weeks and then not for the rest of the summer, but it was probably for the best.

During those two weeks, Scott and I were together pretty much non-stop. We had to consciously make an effort to get to know other people and not spend all our time with each other. I've never gotten to know somebody so deeply so quickly. In those two weeks we talked and shared so much. And then it was time for me to leave. The day I was leaving, Scott invited me to go skiing that afternoon with him, his dad and his brother since he had the afternoon off. Knowing that might be a little more than awkward since I didn't know them at all, I declined. Even though I would have loved to spend that time with him.

I only saw him one other day that summer, when he was leaving his term at camp and I was coming back for mine. That day, Scott asked me to come hang out with him while he got his stuff packed to head home. And I turned him down. Again. My sister had gotten bit by a brown recluse spider a few days before that and had to spend a couple of nights in the hospital. She was better, but I had already told her when I got there I wanted to go to the doctor with her. Seriously, who would choose to hang out with the perfect guy when they could go with their sister to get her spider bite drained?? Sisters win.

So we wrote a couple of letters that summer and then went back to our own schools (he was at A&M and I was at Tech) to begin a new year. We kept in contact when Scott would call me every couple of months or so and maintained a very distant friendship.

I graduated from Tech that next May of '03. I remember Scott calling me the night of his sister's wedding on May 10th, 2003 and telling me I should move to College Station or Austin after graduation. (Scott grew up in Austin and knew he wanted to return after school.) Austin, maybe. College Station, that would just be weird. But I told him I had already made plans to move to Florida. And that was the last time we talked for seven months.

While in Florida, I accepted a job with my college pastor, Treb who was then at a church in Austin, not at all thinking of Scott since we hadn't talked in months. I would be moving to Austin in January 2004. In December before the move, Scott sent out an email to everyone he knew saying his phone had fried and was asking everyone to send him their numbers again. I debated about sending him mine because I didn't want to seem forward or like I expected him to call me. But I decided since he had included me on the email, I would respond with my number and I told him about my new job in Austin.

He called me the next day. But I was too nervous to talk to him after so long so I didn't answer!! I ended up deciding that was stupid and called him back. We ended that conversation deciding I would call him when I had made it to Austin.

I took my sweet time calling him after I was settled in, but we talked a few times and then made plans to hang out when he was home in Austin for Spring Break in March. That week finally arrived, and we had our first date-ish thing on March 12th, 2004 after not seeing each other for almost two years.  From that point on we saw each other just about every weekend and wore out the roads between College Station and Austin.

In June of that year, after three months of dating, Scott told me he loved me and knew he was going to ask me to be his wife one day. Sidenote: That's quite a bombshell to drop all at once. The "L" word followed up by a "hey, and just so you know, we're going to get married. And we've only been dating for three months. Long-distance." But if I know anything about this man, it's that he's ever-confident in his love for me. And thankfully, I was just as confident so I wasn't at all weirded out. He popped the question on October 22nd, 2004. We were married six months later!

Our story is such a reminder that God's plan and timing always wins. So much happened between May 19th, 2002 and March 12th, 2004. There was really only a two week connection. There was an initial distance of 470 miles. There were experiences in Florida. There were "other people." There were degrees to get. There were things to learn and growth that had to happen. There were so many points along the way where Scott and I could have never spoken to each other again. But God has a way of bringing everything together at that perfect moment. And even when we try, we just can't mess up what He's doing.

Our marriage has not been easy. It's been thrilling and fulfilling, but its not breakfast in bed every morning. It's been a lot of work and a lot of learning. And a whole lot of love. The sacrificial kind. We've had some glorious days and some really rough days together. Some that are still very raw. But at the end of any day, there's nobody else I'd rather have by my side.

The past six+ years have been such a crazy ride. And I can't wait to see what the next sixty bring!

 Honeymoon in Jamaica, May 2005

 First year anniversary cruise, April 2006

 Two years as The Elas! Summer 2007

Our family after three years and one week of marriage! May 2008 

 Four years down! May 2009

  Five years! San Diego, April 2010

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Easter Celebration!

We had a great Easter celebration last week! Easter couldn't have come at a better time for us this year. It was really good for us to focus on God's redeeming work in our lives, even in the midst of turmoil. Plus, we just had a ton of fun together as a family.

The Easter weekend kicked off with Scott getting off work early on Friday and making a surprise appearance at our playdate at a park. And I was extra-glad he made it because there was a whole school of 2nd graders at this park for a field trip or something and things were a little chaotic for our (almost) 3 year olds on the playground.

On Saturday, we headed out to the lake to spend the day with Scott's family. His parents' neighborhood association was hosting an egg hunt that morning. And it was like an egg hunt on steroids! Not only did they have tons of eggs filled with coveted candy, but they were giving out tons of real toys too. We came home the proud owners of a new beach ball, two packs of Toy Story crayons, several stuffed animals, and a play diaper bag for dolls.

Then we went back to Mimi and Poppy's house for lunch, egg-dying, a super festive confetti egg party, and a basket hunt for the kiddos and the grown-up kids too!

The four of us headed to church on Sunday morning and then to our 2nd annual family Easter brunch at Satellite cafe. Yum. Followed by a day of resting and playing outside.

My favorite part of Easter came that night at dinner. Hudson loves to say the prayer before we eat, and he amazes me how he thinks of such appropriate things to pray without any prompting. I really think that kid has the gift of prayer. Anyway, this was his prayer that night: "Dear God, thank you for this food. Thank you for dying on the cross. Thank you for being alive. Amen." It was so sweet and genuine, I got a little weepy. (But really, that's not saying much these days.)

All in all, God used this Easter weekend to remind me of all the reasons I have to celebrate. Mostly, Jesus. And His victory.

"...In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." ~John 16:33

4 of the 5 Ela cousins: Amber, Avery, Hudson & Harper


My little man and me

Harper and me. Yes, it was windy.

I love this picture of Harper and Amber!

Egg-dying in full force

Kimbra and me with Ellie, our newest family member!

Before church. I actually left my camera at the lake on Saturday, 
so this is my cell phone picture of Easter morning.

OK, this wasn't technically Easter. But I felt bad that Scott 
wasn't in any of the pictures, so I threw in this one for him.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

The Valley

I've always heard of people telling stories of real life experiences that felt like a dream. I never knew what that was like. Until last Wednesday.

I had dropped off the kids at school and then had to drive up to Round Rock for a doctor's appointment, my  9 week ultrasound check-up. My doctor works in Round Rock on Wednesday mornings, which is pretty inconvenient, but since my kids are in school that day, its just easier to do that. I made the 40 minute drive up and ran into the office, signed in, and grabbed a seat. All was right with the world.

The nurse called me back, got my weight and blood pressure and then took me to the exam room. I changed and hopped up on the table to wait for Dr. Vaughn.

He came in, we exchanged our greetings, and he grabbed the ever-popular internal ultrasound wand. I watched on the screen as our baby came into view. And then in a split-second my heart sank and I felt like I was going to puke. Dr. Vaughn was silent but he didn't have to say anything. I've had over a dozen pregnancy ultrasounds (this was already my third with this baby) and I know what that beautiful pulsating heartbeat looks like. And there wasn't one.

The room remained silent for awhile as Dr. Vaughn tried to get different views from different angles. Then he finally said, "I'm not getting a heartbeat. I'm sorry. This isn't good."

He eventually stopped the exam and started talking about different options, next steps, etc. I zoned out for a little bit and kept thinking, "this is just a dream. you're just dreaming." And then with the loudest voice in my head I kept shouting, "Wake up! Wake up!" But it didn't stop. I wanted desperately to rewind time just five minutes where I was back in the waiting room. Or just run from the room with my fingers in my ears and ignore the whole thing.

Basically, the pregnancy sac still looked great and was in place and all that. I hadn't had any bleeding or pain or anything either. And the baby measured 8 weeks 6 days, which was just the previous day. And since it happened after the 7 week mark, its most likely the baby's growth stopped due to a chromosome abnormality.

I had a second ultrasound that afternoon that confirmed it. So I had a D&C on Friday morning.

So that's where we are. The valley. We're obviously torn up and confused and angry and hurt...I've mentioned before it was a hard road to get to this baby. But it turns out that road has ended with more suffering instead of joy.

It's an interesting place to be: suffering. All at the same time I find myself so upset with God and what He's doing in my life. And yet all I can do is turn face-to-face with the God who is head over heels in love with me  and cry to Him. So I'm thankful for a God who can handle my anger and frustration. I don't have to come to Him with false praise. I can be real and messy and ugly and I still can't escape His love.

I really have been amazed at how God has extended so much love to me during this time. In the beginning He felt so distant. I felt so abandoned by Him. But my friend Amanda sent me an email after I told her what happened and she said this: "I hope your sweet husband and babies serve as a tangible reminder of how much God loves you..." And after reading that, it hit me so hard. The people God has put in my life are a tangible expression of His love to me. As I called all my close friends (including my mom and sister) and kicked off the conversation by bawling into the phone, "our baby doesn't have a heartbeat" every single one of them just sat on the phone and literally sobbed with me. It wasn't like they were just sad or felt bad for me. I don't know what I expected them all to do. But their care and love surpassed anything I expected. They were honestly hurting with me and coming alongside me, each in their own way encouraging me. It's such a heavenly love and I'm so thankful for God loving me through them.

There are two things I really want to touch on before I leave this alone (for now.) These truths have really been an instrument of peace to me and hopefully can be to anyone else who is suffering and questioning what God is doing.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9 I'll be honest. I can not fathom any goodness in losing our baby. But I'm clinging to this verse and knowing that His ways are higher than mine. It seems so backwards right now. But I can't doubt now what God has shown me over my whole life. The Message version says "...the way I think is beyond the way you think." This means that my thoughts are limited. What I think about this whole thing is just a fraction of the whole picture. God sees the eternal perfect plan and His mind is on that. And I can rest there.

Second is the idea of fairness. I really feel like its so unfair that we lost our baby. I understand and can see how God may be protecting us from having an unhealthy baby and blah blah blah. And I have praised Him for that. But then in the next breath I'm asking, "Why the hell couldn't you just make our baby healthy??" I guess part of me feels like its so unfair when there are 16 year-olds out there getting knocked up and its ruining their lives. But God has gently reminded me how life isn't fair. And if I'm honest, I'm grateful for that. Even though I don't feel like I deserve this hardship, I also in no way "deserve" all the blessings I've been given. In totality, life is severely unfair...to my advantage. Just the fact that I have a Savior who stands in my place and doesn't condemn but redeems my life from the pit is completely undeserving. And to top it off with this abundant life of rich blessings He's given me-its crazy. So I'm learning to thank God that life is unfair. I'm not saying that our suffering isn't legitimate, because it is. But I just can't hang with the "why me" attitude for long.

OK, I've rambled and vomited out way too many random thoughts and emotions for now. Just know that we are sad. We're disappointed. We're struggling. But we're doing it in the arms of a God who promises He is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). He promises to never leave us nor forsake us. (Deuteronomy 31 and Joshua 1:5). "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him." (Romans 8:28)

Monday, April 4, 2011

Spring has Sprung

We had a beautiful thunderstorm this morning, which in my mind, means spring has officially arrived! This is also evidenced by the fact that as I was driving my kids to school this morning, the temperature went from 74 to 61 in less than 5 minutes.

Spring is always a fun, sentimental time for me. I'm weird about dates and become nostalgic as I remember certain life details and when they occurred. Spring is about new life. And God has definitely used Spring to bring lots of newness to our lives. Scott and I started dating in the spring of 2004. We were married in the spring of 2005. And we were anticipating the arrival of our twins in the spring of 2008. I love remembering all the warm, fuzzy feelings I had after our first date, first kiss, surrounding our wedding, and of course waiting to welcome Hudson and Harper into our family. So many new life things in the spring for the Elas! There's something about the feeling in the air as spring rolls in that brings out all this sappy emotion.

And this spring is no different. We have a reason to add the spring of 2011 to my sentimental log. As referenced here:


Yes, this is a green olive. And while I normally have an aversion to green olives, this week I think they are fantastic. Because this week, our new little baby has grown to be the size of a green olive! Praise God! We are so excited! It's been another long road for us to get here, which I'll blog about soon. But we are claiming this good gift God has created for us and owning it fully. I'm just 8 weeks this week, but since I tend to know I'm pregnant before I'm pregnant, I feel like I've been keeping the secret forever.

Our baby's due date is November 16th. And I'm super excited about having a fall baby! Although God has brought so many exciting things to our lives in the spring, fall is probably my favorite season. So I'm excited to add something else to my fall sentimental calendar for years to come. 

So here's to new life, spring, and green olives!